Throughout her twenties and early thirties, Ashley knew exactly what she wanted. Career, spouse, kids, house, the full catastrophe. And so, she went out and got those things because that’s the kind of woman Ashley is. Lately though, she’s been feeling off, especially at work. Her job pays well but is incredibly demanding. Ashley regularly finds herself neglecting her own needs to make everyone around her happy. She finds herself wondering, “How did I get here? Is this really the career I want?”. Her wife thinks she may be burnt out.
Nia has always dreamed of opening her own PR firm. She’s put in her dues working for others, she knows her stuff, and has great relationships with a number of clients who have indicated they’d follow her wherever she goes. But something is holding her back. She finds herself debating if now is really the right time to make the leap, or should she instead finish this one project, or land one more client, or get through the year-end so she can make her bonus. Year after year, Nia stays put. And slowly, her dream begins to fade. “Oh well,” she thinks, “maybe safe and small are better.”
Cassie is thinking of giving up writing. She’s been at it for years and has only had a few short stories published on a small magazine website. She sees others her age getting book deals, enabling them to quit their day jobs and live the life she’s always wanted to live. Their lives are perfect, and hers is going nowhere. What’s the point in writing anymore?
The signs are there: Ashley, Nia, and Cassie have all lost their North Star. And now, they’re stuck.
What is a North Star?
Your North Star is a core part of yourself that keeps you pointed in the right direction. It gives purpose and meaning to your life. It is your unique spark, and it determines who and how you want to be in the world.
And here’s a secret: it’s not actually a single entity, but rather a cluster of smaller stars that when working together create a single, bright light. Those smaller stars are your core values. And the light that they create is the truth of who you are.
When we lose our North Star, it can feel like wandering in a fog. We’re not clear on what we want to do with our lives. We make poor decisions. We drift from opportunity to opportunity, or feel completely stuck, unable to take that next step.
Here are 5 signs you’ve lost your North Star.
A general feeling of being lost.
You’re not quite sure what’s next in your life, but there’s a nagging feeling that things can’t stay as they are. You want more. You’re just not sure what that might look like. Or maybe you don't want more. You just don't know.
You have big dreams. And big fears.
You dream of a life of achievement, growth, and contribution. At the same time, you feel you’re not good enough or even deserving of that life. Fear of failure disguises itself as “the timing’s not quite right”.
Envy of others’ paths.
You fall into the comparison trap. You see others living seemingly perfect lives, while discounting your own successes and unique journey. We compare our messy middle to someone else’s best moments, leading to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem.
Neglecting your well-being.
You prioritize external pressures over your own needs, leading to burnout, stress, and unhealthy habits. You feel tired. Concentration is difficult. You may begin to numb and self-medicate.
People pleasing behaviors.
You bend over backwards to meet others’ expectations, while sacrificing your own values and desires. Living the life you want falls to the bottom of your priority list. The qualities of life you value most must wait.
Frankly, losing your North Star sucks.
But don’t worry, it’s also temporary. Take a deep breath, reconnect with your values, and reignite your passions. Our course, Finding Your North Star, is a great, cost-effective tool to help you do that.
Remember, the stars are always there, even when obscured by clouds. Just look within, and you’ll find your way back.
